Below are the 16 most recent journal entries recorded in Me's LiveJournal:

Wednesday, October 3rd, 2007
7:47 pm	filippians413 new username add me if i like you, i'll add you back (Comment on this)
Monday, October 1st, 2007
8:45 pm	Well I want to make a new journal and I only want to keep friends who want to read. So le tme know. This thing goes back to like sophomore year. And I don't need any of that following me around... (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, September 26th, 2007
6:04 pm	Oh so better off WITHOUT you... :-D (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, June 4th, 2007
8:56 pm	:-D (Comment on this)
Tuesday, March 13th, 2007
9:55 pm	only a couple months. and no, i'm not coming back. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, February 27th, 2007
9:36 am	<3 yeah...this is how things should be... (Comment on this)
Friday, February 23rd, 2007
11:55 pm	Maybe there's no catcher in the rye No one said that this was easy No one handed you a free pass for the ride No one said that this was easy Keep your chin up someday maybe things will play out right In the game of life There was a time when I believed in love But now I know it's kid fairy tale stuff Once upon a time for me Like a Holy Sacrament ot receive (Comment on this)
Friday, February 2nd, 2007
4:15 pm	Saturday saturday...i mean, friday I think I still the remains of a concussion. I've been so unfocused and my head hurts and I'm exhausted and unmotivated and my eyes are glossy and it's not fun. Today I took a PreCalc test and did some stuff in some other classes. Then went and taught DMS guard. Hopefully Rach will be home soon and we'll hang out. And tomorrow is the show choir homeshow. It's exciting. I need to lie down. Concussions are NOT fun. Horizontals are pretty but they suck when you overrotate them, catch them, make your drill spot and still get a concussion. The end. (Comment on this)
Friday, December 22nd, 2006
5:54 pm	I just got accepted to college (MCLA)........yeah. !!!! (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, December 15th, 2006
10:01 pm	Subject Well I seriously slept for the past 48 hours. No lie. I was so sick. And then suddenly, it was gone. It was gross during the moments I was awake though. So there's two days of school, one day of work and a practice that I have to make up but it shouldn't be too bad. Tomorrow is The Nutcracker and I'm quite excited. I need to stop worrying though. I can't explain why every time I get this feeling that I used to get with "him". It's retarted. So hopefully  I just let myself have fun no matter who's there. And maybe get a little something out of it. I don't want to game anymore (cuz clearly I don't even do that.) My dad and I went Christmas shopping tonight. I actually got a lot done. Got my little cousin a santa hat and little outfit, got my secret santa gift, got two of my other cousins stuff, and subway. Then we watched "Shakespeare In Love". Yayyyyy. Quiero un chico.  Pathetic. Current Mood: worried (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, October 15th, 2006
4:43 pm	globes and maps are all around me now, i wanna feel you breathin Homeshow  yesterday was great. I had a good practice and an even better show. I can't even begin to think about now spinning with those girls. So I won't. Jackie helped me believe I could spin rifle again. And Bubba told me I did better yesterday but it still wasn't perfect...OBVIOUSLY! Whatever. But then Jana told me she loved watching me during mvt.4 and it made me happy. I have a psych paper due tomorrow and I haven't done anything at all on it. That's a problem. I'm not supposed to be a procrastinator. Oh. I slept over Rachel's Friday night. And now I feel completely lonely again and I hate it... There's so much I need to get out and I just can't. I miss it. I miss being me... (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Saturday, September 9th, 2006
3:16 pm	100 I'm so lost. I have no idea where I went. I lost that girl that I was and loved so much after last summer. I pulled the last string to get rid of her. I didn't mean to. So why did I? I have no idea. I wish I hadn't. And now everywhere I look, I find pieces of her struggling to break free and come back home but she can't. So I'm forced to walk right by her, yearning and wanting so much to pick her up off the ground and tell her it's okay. Maybe she's supposed to stay in the past but like many things, I want to bring her with me so I don't feel like this. Every day, I see more and more of this girl and for some reason, I repress her and all of her emotions back down deep inside until every few weeks or so, she comes out when I'm alone, tells me I'm being ridiculous, cries for me and goes back to hiding until I realize that I need her. But I never admit that I do. So she gets angry and says things she doesn't mean. She tells me I'll never be like her and that she only came around to show me what I'm not. Although I know it's not true, I listen to her and just envy her more. No, I'm not schizophrenic. I just don't know who I am anymore Current Mood: blank (Comment on this)
Friday, July 14th, 2006
4:41 pm	21 Nothing is real. It is all just perception. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, June 1st, 2006
10:15 pm	32 For those of you who actually read this still (if you exist), I am in fact, alive. I've had no human contact for four days that have felt like forty. My ankle is huge still. But it's only the size of a golfball and a half and not the baseball it was before. I'm being forced to stay home AGAIN tomorrow. Hopefully the workload won't be much because of finals and stuff. Two weeks left and I'm a senior... it's scary shit. So within these past 96 hours, I've overanalyzed and reanalyzed just about every aspect of my life. It's been very unhealthy because although I feel I may have figured some stuff out, the truth is that I probably haven't. I've probably confused myself even more. It's crazy. A year ago, drum corps was the route of all of my problems. It made me insane. And here I am, with drum corps KEEPING me sane. I can't go this weekend. Well, I suppose I could try if I can stand by then but it isn't worth it. I'm really trying to be smart. I need human contact though. I can't be alone. No one understands that. I just can't or I get very sad. Seriously. Anyway, drum corps is keeping me sane because it's all I can control. I guess I'm not good at that control though because it's how I hurt my ankle. We were doing the ballad, see, and it's sabres and dancers. The sabres I was (close?) to spinning and didn't. So I was pretty much watching them the entire time. The only bad part was that since this new dance stuff, I've been discouraged and realized I never was that good...just better than people w/o "previous training" which apparently counts for nothing there. Yeah, so he started teaching dancework and I decided "find, i'll just do it all full out. everything. even if it looks like crap because i feel good when i do" so on a stupid jete I just came down, knowing in the air that I was gonna fall, and sat there, stupid. I felt so retarted. And I cried in front of Lennie AND Richie. Lennie put words into my mouth that I didn't know were how I felt but...they were. So I have to wait until next weekend to spin/dance again and even then it can't be 110%..I need to be smart about it. I've been talking a lot lately with the usual gang and I feel so guilty about it. I feel like I'm bringing them down. Especially Rach. Sleep is overrated. These phone calls are a taste of next year. These days are a taste of this summer. Blah. I'm so discriptive, huh? I told him last night. Like an IDIOT, I told him. Why? Because I knew that it would hurt. I knew it would give me a reason to cry instead of the same tears  from this past month. I was good with the whole crying thing too. I hadn't in a very long time. As soon as I felt myself start to fall again about a month ago, I cried once and felt weak immediately. It's all been alone. The few tears that escape in the presence of another have quickly stopped cuz I'm afraid. I don't understand how I can feel like I risk everything and pour all of me into what I care about, have it hurt and then feel like there's still all this shit inside. I also don't like how I'm seeing glimpses of my old self in these words. So I should change it, right? I don't know how. I've never done it alone, have I? I have to do this alone. I don't want to. Jana says I won't pass it by. "Pass by"...those words are from an old friend who told me he never would. He did. Sometimes I STILL wonder "what if". I wish I never had to utter those words. But I do, so I'll live with it.  I don't think I believe in karma anymore. Because I think that I was happy with myself and I understood a lot and I was as good a person as I could be, honestly not expecting anything in return (maybe i was, maybe that's the problem) and everything still hurts. "That's life", right? Well this life is not what I thought it was. I'm not who I thought I am. THREE YEARS, and I'm lost again... Current Mood: sad (Comment on this)
Tuesday, February 7th, 2006
7:00 pm	77 Essential yet appealed Carry all your thoughts across an open field When the flowers gaze at you, they're not the only ones who cry when they see you You said you don't know me and you don’t even care And she said you don't know me and you don't wear my chains I need to get out of here. Come away with me? (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Saturday, January 7th, 2006
5:29 pm	97 When I'm in your arms I start believing I'm sick. I think. I have this horrid cough that usually results in me not breathing and missing a lot of school and practices. I'm hoping since I didn't do anything today that it won't be as bad for practice tomorrow and school that I can't miss. I hate not being able to breathe. Like the week of Spartans I missed cuz of it, it was gross. I feel like that right now. I slept over Jules' last night :-D I want the new Darkness CD. Bad. I'm wicked excited about something. I hope it happens. That's about all for now. Oh, and I <3 <3's and anything random. Current Mood: sick (1 Comment |Comment on this)